Ok so today is the start of the highly acclaimed what-if week. For many years this week has been known for its wild ideas and strange idiosyncrasies. Well todays what if is: what if pigs could fly?
Well now isn't that an interesting question. Well I suppose I would have to start by saying that flying would be a lot more difficult if we pigs could fly. Could you imagine being in a Boeing 777 and then flying through a flock of pigs heading south for north for the winter?
Blam blam, windscreen and engine one gone. Blam, another engine. It would be horrible. Well at least bacon would come falling down to earth but it would be joined by a few tons of scrap metal. But then how would we get delicious bacon.
Would it then become one of those pretentious sports where a man blows a pig whistle, and then aims and shoots into the horizon? How would his dog fetch a flying pig? It would have to be a great-dane to pull that off. Then the man would smoke his pipe and think about how he could convert it into a video game. Pig hunt.
Would they still be called pigs if they could fly? Or maybe Fligs? I don't know but I do think it would be scary. Could you imagine a flig that has a stomach problem, wow it would annihilate your car. Or a flock of fligs making nest in your tree. Anything under it would not be safe.
Imagine walking on the beach with your lady and then all of a sudden a flig poo's on you. It won't be just your shoulder. You would be covered in excrement. Imagine hitting a flig with your car? It would be worse than a head on collision.
Or even worse, the setting is a scary movie, a lonely wooden house, in the middle of a desert, old man sitting on the porch with his shotgun, tobacco bucket and grass in his mouth. It’s dusk, and then all of a sudden, a flock of wild fligs appear! Then fly in a dizzying frenzy towards the lonely house, the old man knows something is up, the fligs start dropping, one hits the old man, breaks his neck, he dies, the end.
Dammit I would be a horrible Hollywood story writer. However, I do think that it's a good thing that pigs can’t fly. If they could they would probably rule the world. They would be devastating kamikaze pilots, they would own the Japanese. They would be the kings in a dirty sty filled world.