Monday, April 18, 2011

Three point check

Often I hear stories about somebody that was walking around in a mall, went and had something to eat. Then walked around a bit more and then started feeling that something is up in his stomach. He ignores it until it feels like he has ingested a demi-human which is now punching the inside of his stomach trying to get out.

He then proceeds to get to a lavatory in a ‘clenched butt’ manner. Eventually he gets into a stall and locks the door behind him. He tugs down his trousers and lets rip. He is now happy and relieved because the demi-human has been expelled from him like yesterday’s lunch.

Now arrives the problem, no toilet paper. Come on man how did it not occur to you to check for the most important part. Therefor I have developed a clever Three point check strategy. It is a simple routine that will save you tons of embarrassment and discomfort.

First of all, after you have locked the door behind you, you flush the toilet, to get rid of any previous demi-human remains, and to check that the flushing actually works. Second you check the floor for any wet spots, this will determine how far down you can pull your pants. Nothing worse than taking off your pants and when you put them back on you have someone else’s urine stain on it.

And lastly you roll off some toilet paper to wipe down the seat, this makes sure there is enough toilet paper and makes sure that someone else’s urine stain doesn't end us on the back of your leg, and when you throw it into the toilet prevents splash back.

Example of a DEMI-HUMAN
If you follow this simple three step process you are sure to never have any demi-human expulsion woes again. It's my pleasure, and you can thank me later.

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