Tuesday, April 12, 2011

List #2 - Weight loss

Today’s list is my very own informative list of ways in which you can lose weight. This one goes out to all the current or ex fattys out there reading this. By default if you are American that includes you!
Being fat sucks and we all know this so here goes :
*stop eating so much
*start running
*actually start any sport that involves physical activity
*sex is not a sport, and you can't do it enough for it to be a viable option
*cleaning your room is not a physical activity
*do push-ups and sit-ups daily, as many as you can
*your woman is not a punching bag! Besides who is going to clean up and make food is she gets winded
*stop eating carbohydrates
*stop eating so much sugar
*have your coffee without sugar, replace it with cinnamon
*poo regularly. At least daily
*get more exercise
*stop watching tv. Inadvertently you will start doing something else
*punch something, a ream of paper or a punching bag for more than 5 minutes at a time 
*eat oats. No sugar
*start wrestling in your lunch hours at work
*if you are full, stop eating
*stop reading this and thinking that's too hard or i don't like that
*punch your friends regularly and be ready to be punched
*take the stairs
*stop being lazy or you will have a heart-attack
*age is only a number not an excuse
*being poor doesn't mean you can't gym it just means you have to be creative. Buy a ream of paper and punch that. Run on the road. Pick up rocks not weights. Find a pole and do pull ups. It will also be easier to eat less
*chase cats
*stalk someone that’s fit – you will have to get fit to keep up
* find another fatty to do it with you – exercising that is, so you can mock one another if you want to chicken out
*tell everyone you know, so that they will laugh at you if you chicken out, the thought of public humiliation will be too much and you will stay motivated
*save your money, all of it, so there is none left for junk food
*buy lean meat – chicken, fish etc. red meat ( the tastiest) is bad when you are trying to lose weight
* below are some bets you can make – depending on your ethnicity – all these bets are that you can get thin or :
*if you are Jewish – bet someone money – that will motivate you
*if you are Irish polish or Russian – bet someone you will stop drinking for a year – that will motivate you
*if you are Greek – bet someone that you will bath – that will motivate you
*if you are Australian – bet someone that you will not touch a sheep for a year – that will motivate you
*if you are Japanese – bet someone that you won’t eat pets for a year – that will motivate you
*if you are American – bet someone you will give up fast food and TV for a year – that will motivate you
*If you are Afrikaans – bet someone that you will give up brandy for a year – that will motivate you
*If you are British – bet someone you will have your teeth fixed – that will motivate you
*if you are Portuguese – bet someone that you will stop growing vegetables for a year – that will motivate you
*lastly if you are Serbian – bet someone that you will give away all your guns – that will definitely motivate you

You see it's easy. You are just lazy. If you still don't want to exercise but want to lose weight just eat less. More black coffee and no sugar. That takes no effort. It's actually so little effort I'm basically telling you to even stop chewing. See, useful advice is my aim.

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