Monday, April 11, 2011

List #1 - Guys Stuff

Guys stuff. There are a lot of things that guys enjoy and that women can't understand. Today on day 1 of international list week I will explain a few and then list a whole bunch more. Things that women don't understand about men.

We like toys. Probably the most important one of all the things women don't understand. We like toys, gadgets, and things that make loud noises and no, hairdryers don't count. We are physical beings and therefor need to physically play with things; we can't just sit around all day and be fulfilled by talking about our emotions and menstrual cycles. 

Things that move or fly or travel really quickly. Fishing rods, TV’s, computers and laser pointers. Xbox, cell-phones and cars. All of these things bring us the relief that we need. Ok now for some more things that women don't understand about men.

*We don't care how it smells
*We like sitting around doing nothing
*We are boys stuck in mens bodies
*We all wish we were wrestlers
*We don't catch subtle hints
*We want to turn anything that looks like a dial that can turn
*We want to push any buttons we see
*the above two are even truer if we don't know what they do
*TV is not boring, even adverts are exciting
*We really think you look good, all the time; we aren't lying when we say it and you don't believe it
*We are not very good at reassurance
*We are even worse at comforting you. We really don't know what to do or say. We do feel helpless
*toys in the bath are always fun to play with, even if they weren't meant to be toys. Meet shampoo bomber and soap submarine.
*you smell nice
*other women are also attractive. Doesn't mean we want them. Just admiring
*A guy on a Harley gets instant man points. No matter what
*We like guns
*We all want our own guns
*chainsaws are awesome, let us enjoy them.
*figurines are cool
*We like comics
*We all want to own a samurai sword
*We are all exceptional above average drivers
*We like an obedient woman
*We like being rewarded for doing things we like
*in our minds we are all martial arts experts
*we still wish we could fly
*no, of course I didn’t buy headphones to drown out your voice
*don’t touch the front of the flat-screen TV and say ‘look it makes pretty pictures’
*we both want home gyms, difference is that men will actually use it
*anything wireless is awesome, we will stare and touch and play with it
*paintball guns are meant to shoot, don’t complain if sometimes you are the target
*we all want a safe, we have nothing of value to put in there, we just want one
*I am a superhero…on the inside
*biting your nails is an efficient way of saving the nail clippers blade
*snot is meant to be picked – no wait that’s diamonds. Snot is meant to be Flicked!

Ok that's enough secrets revealed for one day. Now study this list women and if you see us doing any of these things leave us be. We enjoy it. Now go make me a sandwich, and clean the floor.


  1. The Woman List:

    • We love to dress up as much as we love not to. We just do it, coz it makes us feel fantastic when you see us and we get to see the “wow” expression on your face. Accept a few lazy days. We accept that you only dress up once a year…
    • We love things that smell nice, tastes nice and brightens a day. Good old fashion, flowers and chocolates do wonders, any time of the year!
    • We love getting attention, compliments and being appreciated. Give us a few every once in a while, and we’ll do almost anything for you.
    • When we feel blue, all we need is a strong hug from the men in our lives. To make it extra special, add an “It’ll be all right” and you’ll do wonders!
    • We all have a little girl inside us somewhere, we would love to take off the shoes and make-up, run on the grass, roll in the dirt, climb a tree, and laugh until we have cold drink coming out our noses, do a handstand, chase butterflies and dive into a dam. We just never get to it, because we would rather take care of you.
    • Cuddling, snuggling and just being with you is a great pleasure for us. We know you don’t always like it, and we are thankful for it when we get it.
    • We feel safe around you even though we know we are rougher and tougher than most of you. We don’t want to be in danger and we don’t want to face it either.
    • We can sense other girls’ feelings even when you don’t notice that she is practically giving herself to you on a silver platter. We know when other girls judge us, or dislike us. We know when other girls will someday be our friends. We are not jealous when we tell you this.
    • There is no such thing as “Ho’s before bro’s”. We will always put our men first. If something’s wrong with any of our friends, we’ll make sure that you are fed, polished and rested before we even think of helping them. You will always be first in our lives, always.
    • When hinting, we are either sending out reminders of things we’ve told you over-and-over again, ages ago OR we are just trying to spare some feelings. When we hint that you need to try a new foot spray, there might actually be something smelly in your shoe and we just don’t have the “balls” to tell you that we think your feet smells!
    • We also like gadgets and buttons, and things that look like they come from space. We just choose not to play with it coz then, if it breaks, it’ll need fixing. We can’t fix it, and we all know how long you take to fix things.

  2. • Guns, swords, and weapons in general makes as insecure and scared. Whether it’s because we don’t know how to handle them or that we think weaklings use weapons, we don’t know, it just isn’t something we like in general. If you have some, put them away, somewhere where you alone can see it.
    • We are obedient, but some days we just need an obedient man too. We need you to take over, let us put our feet up and relax and watch you do the work in the house. We need to know that you can cook and clean, you know, just for in case.
    • We hate it when you tell us that we can’t do what you can. We know we can’t do everything you can, we don’t even want to try, but when you say it out loud, we will do everything in our power to do it, better than you can. And we’ll do that even if we have to break it… We just don’t want to!
    • We accept our responsibility and womanly duties. As long as you can provide for us, take care of us and respect us in the same way we do you…
    • We don’t necessarily find your hobbies interesting and we accept the fact that you don’t find our’s interesting.
    • We love shoes. A pair of shoes always goes with a bag or a belt.
    • On special occasions, we DON’T have ANYTHING to wear. So rather just keep the peace when we go shopping for an outfit.
    • We’re not your mothers. We will never be. We were raised by our own mothers, doing things their way. Don’t expect us to do everything your mother did for you.
    • We don’t want to cook every day. Sometimes we do feel fat or overweight and we don’t want to go near food. Instead of throwing a tantrum, just once make your own sandwich.
    • We know you are babies, but when you have the flu, you are not dying. You just need to sleep it off and drink the medicine we give you. We will take care of you, but the world goes on.
    • We switch off when we hear anything that starts with megabits or horse power.
    • When we blabber on about our issues, rather than getting annoyed with our voices and walking out of the room, be thankful that we are open, and that we trust you enough to share our emotions with. Aside from that, we would appreciate it when you open up sometimes too. Just like you, we can’t smell what’s wrong with you!
    • In order for us to survive, we need to hear that you love us, think the world of us, that we are beautiful and that you will never leave us. Just open your mouth and say it. Nothing to it!
    • Don’t compare my cooking to your mother’s, unless your mother’s cooking is horrible and you really love mine, and I can actually see it!
    • We are connected to our phones and laptops. Do not ask questions. Our communicating devices are almost as important and private as our handbags!

  3. • We can admit when we had too much to drink. We are able to stop drinking long before that. We hate drunken men. Especially fighter guys!
    • Don’t expect us to clean and cook and run a household when you hire a gardener to cut the grass and an electrician to change a light bulb.
    • When we are busy with the children, especially when they are sick, we would appreciate help in the rest of our areas of responsibilities.
    • Yes, we do suffer from PMS. AND YOU ARE JUST LOOKING FOR TROUBLE! When we have PMS, stay strong, bring flowers and BACK OFF!
    • I can carry grocery bags, in fact, I carried all of it, in one go, from the store to my car. I just ask you to give your ego a boost! Be thankful, coz this show’s I care!
    • Sweeping, doing dishes or washing, wiping the kitchen counters and brushing down a toilet does not make you gay, in fact, it makes you our hero!
    • Being pregnant is hard work. In fact, it sucks most of the time. It would be most appreciated if you would wash my back when I lie in the tub.
    • We like sex. Lots of sex. We need sex to function, but there are times, that we are too tired, dirty, or just lazy to have some. If you push it, we’ll fake it. And by the way, in most cases, if you just leave it for a while, and cuddle and talk sweet, we’ll ‘reward’ you with a little something extra!
    • Say THANK YOU. Anytime, anywhere, just because.
    • We have a lot to say. Nice and not so nice. Hear us out. We might talk 80% nonsense, but the other 20% might be life changing.
    • In a relationship quarrel between our couple-friends, we’ll stick with the girl. Unless we have been friends with the guy and she came along. We’ll help him get out of the deepest whole, even though we know he is wrong.
    • Don’t wait for us to make the first move. We would, but again, we don’t want to. We want you to make that move and to grab it by the balls!
    • Your ego is as important to us as your steak is to you. We need your ego to be big. And we will blow it up for you whenever we feel like it. Be thankful for this and accept what we do to do it!
    • Most of us like pink because it makes us feel like little girls. Vulnerable, innocent, pretty little girls. Accept pink in the house, we accept your toy cars, RC helicopters and stinky fishing gear.
    • When you really want to piss us off, use a towel we just hung up, walk on a floor we just finished washing, or sit on a bed we just made. Don’t ask questions when we explode, just stay away for at least an hour.
    • Our cars are as important to us as our homes. Don’t fart in my car or throw your can underneath my seat, don’t think it’s ok to eat a pie and mess the crumbs, and don’t change my chick flick theme CD to your liking. I don’t mess up your car; please have some respect for mine.
    • If you pick your nose, put your finger in your crack, clean the gunk underneath your toenails or fart in your hand, WE DO NOT WANT TO SMELL IT, EVER! We don’t want to see the big snot you pulled out of your nose, or the huge yellow zit you popped on your back using only one hand, or how big your food-child is. Keep it away, or take a photo and MMS your buddies.