Tuesday, April 5, 2011


I wish I had a chainsaw. If I had a chainsaw I would probably have a lot less stress. I would literally cut down almost anything cut-able. A tree branch that's getting in my way, no problem, start-up old faithful and cut it down.

Some people might think the fun would stop after a while but I don't think so. Imagine all the awesome things you could do with it. Firstly you could dress up like the guy from chainsaw massacre, with a real live chainsaw. There is no way to complete a costume better than with live props.

Secondly I would hang it in my living room as an ornament and conversation starter.' is that a chainsaw?' ‘Yup’, ‘In your living room?’ ‘Yup’, ‘Is it real?’ ‘Yup’, ‘That’s awesome’ ‘I know right, joys of being a bachelor!’ Then start talking about how awesome the bachelor life is. Do you see what I did there started a conversation from nothing.

And thirdly, lastly I would use it to cut down anything stupid. And by anything I mean anything. If I see a huge billboard with a spelling mistake I just want to cut it down. Or maybe just a realtor's stupid sign, or I could go even a step bigger and cut into car's that drive in the emergency lane, or taxi's that push in in traffic.

Ok so the last one is a tad aggressive, but it would be fun, I know I would probably almost never use it, and everyone you know will ask you to lend it, no one wants you to do it for them, they will want to do it themselves, because that’s how men are, and then would stuff it up and leave you to fit the bill.

The possibilities are endless with such a purposeful yet destructive tool. Look out everyone. I'm going to the hardware store! 

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