Friday, March 4, 2011

Professional smoke blowers

Professional smoke blowers are not what you are thinking. If you have the mental image of a guy with one cigarette near the end and a new one in his hand ready to be chain lit you are wrong. It is also not some bum living on the beach who smokes more vegetation than the whole of Amsterdam.

No the person I am talking about is someone that you know personally. Your boss. You seem confused. Let me explain. If you do something properly or excel at something at work, in most places it will go unnoticed and in others you might get a pat on the back. Well done ol'chap. And when your boss doesn't require anything from you that’s the way it will remain.

But come the day that your boss needs something from you then this mystic and ancient art of “smoke blown up your ass” is practiced. You have heard all the line's before: “You are an asset to this company!” or “Your hard work doesn't go unnoticed.” Yeah right who are you trying to kid. We know what you are doing. Stop belittling us with your hypocritical crap and corporate a-hole-ness.

And then just to top it all off if you ever do something wrong it's not the 700 things you did right that get remembered but the one thing you did wrong. Remember that one time when you misspelled that word in an email to a client, because of that you can only get a 3percent increase and not a 30percent like all the managers. It doesn’t matter that you built a server, loaded software, hacked into NASA, reprogrammed a satellite and gave us a free porn channel.

If you really noticed me and what I was doing you would show me the money, I don’t want a pat on the back, the same way you don’t want a punch in the face or a kick in the shin. I’m also not only doing this to better my knowledge and make me a more valuable asset. Money makes the world go round, and if you don’t pay me someone else will.

Just realise that keeping your employees happy involves money, if they don’t have it work will suffer, they will be demotivated and will be leaving. I know of many companies that have lost good competent workers because they were too stingy to share the wealth. It’s called the “As-long as I have a new BMW I don’t care” culture…also known as corporate!

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